Allen's hair rant! And then some
by Chocolate-Covered-Coffee-Beans
Summary: My obsession with Allen's hair has gotten the better of me. here's me rambling on about how great his hair is. includes a few poems too. :D
1. A Rant about Allen's hair

AN: yeah this is my little rant about Allen's hair. Allen's a really cool character and all but i love his hair more then him. ;;. kinda strange considering i don't like Allen very much. _BUT I ADORE HIS HAIR. _no joke. it's awesome. So all you Allen lovers out there enjoy. All Allen haters, you better leave. **Flames **are fine as long as they **don't** put down Allen's hair._gets the garden hose ready_ Oh and by the way i know i'm a bit obsessed with his hair and maybe a bit insane. meh.

Allen has the best hair EVER!

Allen's hair is perfect

It is always perfectly gelled

He has wonderful hair.

His hair does this swishy thing in the breeze. And afterwards it always comes back to it's original spot.

He spends lots of time brushing his hair. That's why it's so shiny:D

He must use Herbal Essences cuz it smells so prettyful!

Allen wins the best anime hair competition brushes down. Yay! Go Allen!

Did I mention how perfect his hair is.

He uses intense conditioning. Very manly

The only reason he lost that fight to Van was because he had to fix a very nasty split end. It wasn't his fault HELLO

His hair is invincible.

It's so straight and Blonde just like rest of Allen. (Allen is straight by the way)

He wears a shower cap to bed because he doesn't want to ruin his night

hair doo. Allen's hair is always on duty!

Everyone is jealous of Allen's hair (Krissy insert):Hitomi is jealous of his hair cuz she doesn't have a lot.

Sometime after Encia died someone gave Allen a disgraceful bowl cut. shivers How dare they? We should smite them!

Allen's hair has it's own theme music! Cool eh?

His hair looks wicked cool in a pony tail.

Dornkirk shames Allen's hair, _shames._

It's as smooth as a baby's bottom (just cuz we said that doesn't mean he's gay, he is so not gay.)

Allen's hair loves the ladies. Yep and the ladies love his hair.

Krissy: Allen's hair is a player.

His hair is so damn sexy.

Allen's shaves every morning unlike Dryden who is a hippie

Allen has a 24 hour crew to maintain his beautiful locks it essential.

Allen has better hair than Millerna. Ha Ha. Her hair is so boring compared to his. Poor her.

If Allen's hair could talk it would say "I'm so great and I know it"

His hair has it's own specialized guard because it is a national Austurian

treasure. OR IT SHOULD BE. (mumbles under breath)

Allen's hair shelters the world in it's beautiful goldenness. tear

His hair is untouchable.

There should be a sacred shrine for his hair.

Tangle the hair and you will be smote. (smite smite)

His hair is flame proof. Dilandau beware of the hair. (it rhymes)

His hair is so gelled he doesn't need a helmet. Safety first.

When Allen dies his hair will live on in the hearts that have seen it. tear of course his hair won't

die what are you talking about!

Allen's hair has a fan club. Select members only (me!).

His hair avoids chlorine. Green is not clean. (Nickel is excluded from this. His hair is so cool by the way. Well not as cool as Allen's but cool none the less. NICKEL RULES!) Nickel from Gundam Seed

It is so naturally blonde. NATURALLLY! No dye here. If you even mention dye you will die.

It sparkles in light. So very sparkly.

You can get disoriented just by watching it. (it's the truth, trust me)

Allen's hair is as great as Dance of Curse and Black Escaflowne

Every man dreams about having hair like his even though they won't admit to it. Even women

His hair is softer than the finest silk. sigh

Allen's hair is the best thing that ever happened to Escaflowne. How did they ever manage without his hair for two whole episodes?

Without his gorgeous hair Escaflowne would not be as popular.

The only reason Allen was called "the heavenly knight of Austuria" was because his hair was so damn heavenly.

We love you Allen's hair!

His hair gives us hope and the strength to live on!

Gotta love the hair. You just gotta love it!

His hair just can't be duplicated. It's one of a kind.

His hair is just so……… Allen.

The hair makes Allen. Allen does not make the hair. Without the hair Allen is nothing. Do you think he would act like a ladies man without the hair. I think not!

All those peoples with the fanfics murdering Allen's hair should be beaten. No one messes with Allen's hair. If you're going to bash Allen in a fanfic make sure his hair is left out of it. It doesn't deserve to be bashed.

The only crime Allen's hair has committed is the crime of being to beautiful. It's the raw truth.

In battle, Allen's hair kicks ASS. It's like a whip, Smiting all that oppose it! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Allen's hair is more graceful than Allen himself.

Allen's hair deserves a whole book dedicated to it.

Ohmygosh, his hair should have a name. It must be graceful, intelligent, awesome name. Something worthy of Allen's hair.

Allen those puffy puff sleeves don't do your hair any justice. Remove them at once. You're ruining your hair's image. You monster.

Allen keeps his hair spotless. All the time. Even while on the crusade. His hair is never in disarray.

Yay! Go Allen. Go Allen. Dryden could take a few pointers. Dryden only has his hair down once during the entire series. That was for his wedding and he even shaved! (if only he would do that every day, one of his many problems would be solved)

All Allen's enemies are frightened and awed by the sheer beauty and grace of his hair.

Allen's hair always keeps up appearances. It must. It's expected.

Allen's hair is as much of a character as Allen himself is. Even though it has no speaking parts. One swish can say many things. Sign language for hair, like Hello.

Allen if you try that bowl cut stunt again you will be pummelled to the ground, ugly hair and all.

His hair gives Allen his confidence.

His hair is the only one who will listen to his crazy ramblings about his sister. It's such a good friend, and a good listener.

Allen's hair is magnificently, amazingly, fantastically, awesomifying majestically, drop dead gorgeous and don't you ever doubt that!

Everyone wants Allen's hair and there's no need to be ashamed of it, cuz it's a natural feeling…

(don't worry we all feel this way )

AN: i wrote this awile ago and _someone cough _KRISSY! _cough_ said i should submit it. she even helped me write this a bit over the phone. What a pal. she had to listen to me for at least 2 hours on the phone while i recited it to her. teehee.


	2. A poem for Allen's hair

AN: A poem i wrote while i was bored...it's dedicated to Krissy! Why, you might ask? Just because, just because. :P here ya go Krissy! i know u love it! lmao

Allen's hair is gellin'

And would never commit a fellen

It's smooth and silky

And lets not forget that three inch lifty!

It's cute and clever

Looks good in any weather. :D

His hair smells like a dream

Smells better than the most irish of irish cream

His hair is far from lean

But boy, is it ever squeaky clean

It's mighty thick right to the quick

Wish i knew what did the trick

Allen never uses dye

For if he did,

I'd surely cry

Allen's hair always sparkles with such zeal

Oh, how many hearts it did steal

It ripples proudly in all its beautiful glory

As for that bowl cut...

Well, that's another story.

AN: Well, there's my poem for Allen's hair. (huggles Allen) Review if u want to. if ur going to...please be nice to Allen's hair. Please.


	3. Another poem teehee

**AN: **The following poem is complete utter madness and is the result of me sitting at home with a pen and paper, watching mindless little kid shows while babysitting. Trust me, it's enough to make anyone go mental. Hope you enjoy this lil' poem.

**Dedication : **This is for pure hope, who actually inspired me to write this. She's the one who came up with the Allen in a jar thing. So, most of the credit goes to her for giving me the idea to start this poem. THANK YOU! (I love my chibi Allen in a jar! I'm taking very good care of him! ..:'beams with happiness':..)

Thanks to Asrafarel, karialkia, and whaBAM (I know who u are whaBAM, lmao). Thanks for the reviews. (wasn't expecting reviews at all to be frank)

And, let's not forget 01wing…She left for a week! So yeah, I'm glad to have her back

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

One day, I was driving along in my car,

When I happened upon Allen Schezar.

My eyes caught sight of his wonderful hair,

And I did something I thought I would never dare.

I stuffed him in a jar.

I swear,

I think I was born underneath a lucky star.

So, we continue to drive along

Listening to my favourite songs.

You won't believe who I saw sitting on somebody's lawn.

It was Van.

Smirking, I managed to stuff him in a sack,

And slung him over my back.

Before long, I was grinning like a fool.

Despite my attempts to keep my cool.

I think it was fate that lead me to spot Folken

And let me tell you, he was smokin'

I'm not joking

He literally was smokin'.

To make sure Dilandau couldn't start another fire,

I hog tied him with some wire.

Into the back those two went,

Beside Van, Allen and an old musty tent

I gave them all threatening glances,

That convinced them not to take up fighting stances.

Each one whined like a little mouse,

When I trapped them all securely in my house.

Out of the jar, I had to let Allen out.

I couldn't resist that little pout.

Since they could not run,

It was time to have a bit of fun.

After fitting Van, Dilandau, and Folken with oversized bows,

I did their hair,

And painted their toes.

Why?

Who knows.

It seemed only right to have a photo shoot.

I'm sure all the guys had a hoot.

You should of seen Dilandau fume when I made him pose,

As he held a deep red rose.

Chortling, I made Folken bring me tea.

He wasn't getting off that easily.

Allen laughed along as he passed me the cream.

We sure make quite the team.

Van tried escaping through the back

I knew he'd be the first to crack.

Before I could even shout,

"You won't be able to find a way out!"

Dilandau attacked.

That guy is totally wacked.

He tackled Van to the ground.

Why was I even keeping him around?

Allen and I both agreed, he had to be restrained.

Dilandau just wasn't being sane.

We tied him up, much to his displeasure.

And put him outside for good measure.

Then there was three

That was still enough for me.

I assigned the Fanels to do my chores,

Accusing them of being bores.

I spent time brushing Allen's perfect hair,

With the utmost care.

In no time, my house was clean.

Not a spot of anything could be seen.

Maybe it was about time I set them free.

So I did,

After telling Allen to call me.

Seeing them off at the door,

I warned Allen about wearing boots that could scuff my floor,

And being a player.

Dilandau mumbled something about his Dragon Slayers.

"Next time, you should bring Gatty, Miguel, Viole, and Guimel,

Those lads sure are swell."

Wide-eyed, Dilly ran

Faster than Hitomi can.

"Don't think you'll be seeing him again." Allen said, amazed.

The Fanel brothers just looked dazed.

Van mumbled "If I see that She-monster again, I'll shriek."

And I yelled "We should all get together and do this again next week!"

Was it Van that let out that little eeek?

AN: Poor Van…well, that's it for now! (Frolics off into the sunset, throwing flowers, sparkly things, and gummy bears as I sing a tuneless song)


	4. Another lame poem Dance craze

**Another lame poem--Dance craze**

**AN: Are you sure you want to be reading this?**

**000**

**00**

**0**

Folken marhed onto that dazzling stage,

Wearing a cape that was all the rage.

Suddenly, he began to dance!

Well...

More like, he began to prance.

He lunged himself into his triple hitch kicks,

And gave his silvery mullet a few flicks.

Van sent him an odd glance,

But he too took up a wild stance,

And began to crazily dance.

How the crowd roared!

They were truly floored.

The audience ooo-ed and aww-ed,

Very enthusiastically they did applaud.

Then, like quick silver, onto the stage Allen ran,

Leading the boys into the can-can.

Man, they were hot,

Considering all their moves were self-taught.

From his seat, Dilandau threw roses,

As the dancers made flirtatious poses.

Even the Dragon Slayers had to admit they were mean,

Lean,

Dancing mashines!

**000000000000000000**

**AN: Oh my word, that was warped.**

**Dedicated to Destiny Foretold. Her psycobabble is contagious.**


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